"I'm in charge here, you mysterious little bit of food! In you go!"
|From: Champion of Breakfast|
|Either||Adult: Any Age||ANNOUNCER|
|Either||Young Girl or Boy||SLICE OF BREAD / COLD CEREAL / HOT CEREAL / EGG / MYSTERY GUEST|
This is the beginning of the play. Read on...
The full script of "Champion of Breakfast" is available for purchase as part of "Short Plays for Young Actors and Audiences, Volume 1" (in hard copy or download form) at
Part of Matthew's online script store
copyright 2004 by Matthew A. Everett
An ANNOUNCER steps out on stage, microphone in hand.
ANNOUNCERWelcome, ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, children of all ages! It's time to find out who is -- the CHAMPION OF BREAKFAST!
ANNOUNCER waits for applause and cheers which are slow in coming.
ANNOUNCERCome on! Work with me, people!
The audience gives a more acceptable response (hopefully).
ANNOUNCERThat's more like it.
All right, let's meet our first contestant vying for the title of the CHAMPION OF BREAKFAST!
Ladies and gentleman, I give you, a SLICE OF BREAD! Let 'em hear it!
SLICE OF BREAD walks out on stage.
A single actor plays all the different breakfast contestants. This could be handled in any number of ways, but since the actor will have next to no time at all for costume changes, elaborate costumes that are cumbersome to change are probably out of the question. The suggestion that comes to mind first is either a series of T-shirts with the different names of the contestants on them, perhaps of different colors - or a single T-shirt with velcro across the chest so a new name can be slapped on or ripped off quickly and the actor return to the stage. However, feel free to be as creative as you like.
ANNOUNCERWelcome to CHAMPION OF BREAKFAST, Slice.
SLICE OF BREADHappy to be here.
ANNOUNCERAre you ready?
SLICE OF BREADI'm ready.
ANNOUNCEROK. Come over here and hop in THE TOASTER!
SLICE OF BREADUh --
ANNOUNCERDo you want to be the CHAMPION OF BREAKFAST, or not?
SLICE OF BREAD
ANNOUNCERIn you go then!
SLICE OF BREAD hops in the toaster.
Again, all the many tortures the contestants must endure aren't to be taken literally. The ANNOUNCER and contestant of the moment can make it clear what's going on with their lines and actions. Special effects and elaborate set and props are not desired. If they say something is a giant toaster, we'll believe it's a giant toaster in the spirit of the game. Plus, if it's unclear what everything is on first glance, hopefully it will make the surprises amusing.
SLICE OF BREAD's head should remain in view after they hop in the toaster.
ANNOUNCERWe'll just set this on EXTRA TOASTY and see how you do.
SLICE OF BREADBring it on!
ANNOUNCERThat's the spirit!
SLICE OF BREADHey, it's getting kind of hot in here.
ANNOUNCERYou might even say EXTRA TOASTY.
SLICE OF BREADGet me out of here!
ANNOUNCEROh don't worry, you'll be out in a minute.
The toaster's bell rings and the SLICE OF BREAD comes flying out of the toaster and is flung across the stage, slamming into the wall and slumping onto the floor.
SLICE OF BREADWhoooaaaa! Ughh!!
ANNOUNCERBut wait, there's still more!
SLICE OF BREADNo.
ANNOUNCERBut it's just a little BUTTER!
ANNOUNCER slaps a big gob of butter on the SLICE OF BREAD.
SLICE OF BREADNo more!
ANNOUNCERBut we're not done. In order to be complete, we have to CUT YOU IN HALF!
SLICE OF BREAD runs off in terror as ANNOUNCER playfully chases them with a large knife.
SLICE OF BREADAaaahhhhh!
SLICE OF BREAD escapes off stage.
ANNOUNCEROh well, I guess they weren't meant to be the CHAMPION OF BREAKFAST!
Let's bring out another contestant. Please give a warm welcome to a box of COLD CEREAL.
The box of COLD CEREAL appears.
ANNOUNCERHowdy yourself. Well let's get started. Come on over to this GIANT BOWL!
They walk over to the giant bowl.
ANNOUNCEROK, now we just have to rip your head open!
ANNOUNCER opens the top of COLD CEREAL's box.
ANNOUNCERAnd now we dump a heaping helping of flakes into the GIANT BOWL!
ANNOUNCER shakes COLD CEREAL vigorously to dump out their contents into the bowl.
COLD CEREALEasy there! Easy!
ANNOUNCEROh what the heck, let's just dump you all in.
ANNOUNCER pushes COLD CEREAL into the giant bowl.
ANNOUNCERAnd now a generous portion of MILK! SOUR SKIM MILK!
ANNOUNCER simulates the pouring of milk into the giant bowl all over COLD CEREAL.
COLD CEREALOh! Eck! Gross! Hey! Stop! I'm getting all -- soggy! Ahhh!
The COLD CEREAL wilts in the bowl.
ANNOUNCER shoves the bowl and COLD CEREAL offstage.
ANNOUNCEROh, too bad. Guess they weren't made to the CHAMPION OF BREAKFAST!
HOT CEREAL leaps into view.
HOT CEREALJust try that with me!
ANNOUNCEROh look, it's our next contestant. HOT CEREAL!
HOT CEREALStrong, flaky oatmeal to you, buster!
ANNOUNCERSo I guess you won't mind this other GIANT BOWL.
HOT CEREALNot a problem. I'll even rip off my own head!
HOT CEREAL does so, leaping into the other giant bowl.
ANNOUNCERAnd I guess you also won't mind this SCALDING HOT WATER!
ANNOUNCER mimes pouring hot water from a tea kettle. HOT CEREAL is not phased.
HOT CEREALAh! Soothing! I thrive on hot water! It makes me lumpy and good!
ANNOUNCERWell, how about some HUGE GOBS OF BUTTER!
ANNOUNCER dumps in some butter. Not a problem.
HOT CEREALHmmmm! Tasty!
ANNOUNCERWell, how about some HONEY!
ANNOUNCER tries it. Still no problem.
ANNOUNCER sprinkles generous portions. Still nothing.
HOT CEREALI'm spicy!
ANNOUNCERWell, then I guess you won't mind being LEFT IN THE MICROWAVE TOO LONG!
HOT CEREALHuh?! No! Wait! I'll splatter all over everything!
ANNOUNCERHa ha ha!
ANNOUNCER gleefully shoves the giant bowl with HOT CEREAL through a door (and offstage) into the microwave and cranks up the heat.
ANNOUNCERTake that, Crispy Flakes!
We hear HOT CEREAL die a splattering death, throwing itself against the other side of the door.
ANNOUNCERSince I'm in a good mood, I'll sneak another one of you in. Let's have a hearty round of applause for the EGG!
EGG comes on stage reluctantly.
EGGYou can serve me so many ways.
ANNOUNCERIndeed we can, but first we need to CRACK YOUR HEAD OPEN!
ANNOUNCER cracks EGG's head open. EGG slumps to the floor in a puddle of yolk and white.
ANNOUNCEROoops, guess the YOLK's on them!
Audience will no doubt groan.
ANNOUNCER pushes the EGG offstage again.
ANNOUNCEROh come on, it's just a little breakfast humor.
And that brings us to our final MYSTERY GUEST!
Who dares the tortures needed to become the CHAMPION OF BREAKFAST?!
MYSTERY GUEST appears wearing a mask and a question mark over the name on their shirt, perhaps even a cape.
MYSTERY GUESTI do!
(there's more, but the conclusion of the story, and the identity of the Mystery Guest, aren't available for viewing on this website)
copyright 2004 by Matthew A. Everett