Scene Detail

"If they know we're sentient, with free will? It's all over."

From: Strike-Split-Spare
3 Characters
Gender Age Character Name
Either Adult: Any Age FRONT PIN
Either Adult: Any Age SIDE PIN
Either Adult: Any Age MIDDLE PIN (Sparky)
 
Setup:
This is the full play from the beginning, read on...
 

Scene

copyright 2007 by Holly Davis & Matthew A. Everett




A bowling alley.

Three pins among the rest.

The FRONT PIN sees the bowling ball coming and tries to ward it off. It never works, but they just keep trying the mantra anyway.


FRONT PIN

Gutter ball! Gutter ball! Gutter ball! Oh dammit.

Ball hits. FRONT PIN goes flying.


FRONT PIN (cont'd)

Why does God hate me?

SIDE PIN is much more laid back about such things.


SIDE PIN

God doesn't hate you.

FRONT PIN

Easy for you to say.

SIDE PIN

God doesn't really care either way. We're bowling pins.

FRONT PIN

So?

SIDE PIN

God doesn't play dice with the universe. And God really doesn't care about bowling. Right, Sparky?

MIDDLE PIN (Sparky) gets hit so regularly, maybe a bit too regularly, that it's off in its own little world.

MIDDLE PIN is currently wobbling.


MIDDLE PIN

(singing)

Fly me to the moon...

FRONT PIN

MAKE UP YOUR MIND!

MIDDLE PIN

OK.

MIDDLE PIN falls over.


FRONT PIN

Thank you.

SIDE PIN

Happy?

FRONT PIN

You wouldn't be so laid back if you were further from the gutter. No one ever hits you.

SIDE PIN

Exactly. You always get hit because you're the lead pin. God has nothing to do with it.

FRONT PIN

When is it Banana Daiquiri's turn? She never hits me.

SIDE PIN

You do realize she does that on purpose.

FRONT PIN

What?

SIDE PIN

She throws the game.

FRONT PIN

Why would she do that?

SIDE PIN

To pump up the guy. She's trying to let him win. It's a human thing.

FRONT PIN

What?!

SIDE PIN

Picture her in the green satin uniform.

FRONT PIN

The Lady Killers? Get out. They're a great team.

SIDE PIN

I kid you not. She normally has her hair up when she's playing for the bowling trophy. This is a date.

MIDDLE PIN

(singing)

In other words, darling, kiss me...

FRONT PIN

Shhh!

SIDE PIN

Relax.

FRONT PIN

If they know we're sentient, with free will? It's all over.

SIDE PIN

Has she done that thing with the drink yet?

FRONT PIN

What thing?

SIDE PIN

Send it back because, I don't know, it's the wrong color, or it has the wrong umbrella in it or something?

FRONT PIN

(imitating Banana Daiquiri woman)

"I'll need a deluxe umbrella, not the traditional kind; I thought that was understood."

SIDE PIN

Exactly.

FRONT PIN

It's a good idea to send your drink back every now and again. Quality control.

SIDE PIN

Is there anything you don't worry about?

MIDDLE PIN

(singing)

Fill my heart with song
And let me sing forever more...

FRONT PIN

Like we could stop you.

SIDE PIN

She sends the drink back so they won't notice she doesn't really drink that much of it.

FRONT PIN

Wait? So she's not really drunk?

SIDE PIN

No one's that drunk.

FRONT PIN

I think her date is. He hasn't hit me once tonight.

SIDE PIN

So why do you prefer her?

MIDDLE PIN

(singing)

You are all I long for
All I worship and adore...

FRONT PIN

Well, she does clean up nice, I'll give her that.

SIDE PIN

All for nothing if his game doesn't pick up.

MIDDLE PIN

This guy stinks.

MIDDLE PIN falls over.


FRONT PIN

What did I say earlier?

MIDDLE PIN

Oh.

MIDDLE PIN gets up again.


FRONT PIN

What! You can't do that!

MIDDLE PIN

OK.

MIDDLE PIN falls over again.


FRONT PIN

Please. Stop trying to be helpful.

MIDDLE PIN

What?

FRONT PIN

And stop moving!

SIDE PIN

It's OK, they're not paying attention. He's mad because he stinks. She's trying to convince him he doesn't, and that just makes him more convinced that he does.

FRONT PIN

How can you possibly know all that?

SIDE PIN

I learned to read lips. I'm bored.

MIDDLE PIN

(singing)

In other words, please be true...!

SIDE PIN

No, in other words, nobody's getting anything tonight.

FRONT PIN

It's that bad?

SIDE PIN

You're suddenly looking on the bright side?

FRONT PIN

He really does stink, doesn't he?

SIDE PIN

He's not having fun.

FRONT PIN

So she's not having fun.

MIDDLE PIN

Are you kidding? Everyone can bowl.

SIDE PIN

Not this clown.

MIDDLE PIN

I love clowns.

FRONT PIN

OK, now you've done it.

SIDE PIN

Sorry.

FRONT PIN

You had to bring up the scary death mask freaks with the big shoes and the tiny cars.

SIDE PIN

Whoa. Someone has issues.

MIDDLE PIN

He's flashing back to the Schwartzes birthday party again.

FRONT PIN

There are no rules at kiddie parties! They keep hitting the reset button.

MIDDLE PIN

(loves this)

Up and down and up and down...

FRONT PIN

It's Armageddon!

SIDE PIN

That's what this guy needs. They need to blow up the balloons in the gutters.

FRONT PIN

Yeah. Maybe that way his ball might actually reach us.

SIDE PIN

You know what we're going to have to do?

FRONT PIN

Help the guy out?

MIDDLE PIN

OK.

MIDDLE PIN falls down.


FRONT PIN

Short term memory's the first to go.

SIDE PIN

Well, Sparky does get hit almost as much as you.

FRONT PIN

Not tonight.

SIDE PIN

So what do you suggest we do?

FRONT PIN

This might require an intervention.

SIDE PIN

Yeah, divine intervention.

MIDDLE PIN

No, no. We can handle this.

MIDDLE PIN starts to tip over.


FRONT PIN

No! Stop that!

MIDDLE PIN

Oh yeah.

FRONT PIN

I've changed my mind. I'm not sure we should get involved.

SIDE PIN

So the bowling trophy's not going home with anybody tonight, if you know what I mean?

FRONT PIN

No. I don't know what you mean. WHY MUST YOU TALK IN RIDDLES?! Are you trying to drive me insane?

SIDE PIN

It'd be a short trip.

FRONT PIN

That's it! The next time I go down, I'm taking you with me.

MIDDLE PIN

Well, that'd solve his problem.

FRONT PIN

What?

MIDDLE PIN

If you just flew around and knocked the rest of us down. Then the guy could win, and she'd be happy.

FRONT PIN

You mean... fake it?

MIDDLE PIN

Wouldn't be the first time.

FRONT PIN

I beg your pardon.

SIDE PIN

Oh come on. Like you've never... faked it.

FRONT PIN

It's a matter of professional ethics.

SIDE PIN

Yes, and Banana Daiquiri is a professional, and she needs our help.

FRONT PIN

Oh. Well. When you put it that way...

SIDE PIN

OK. He's up. Think fast.

FRONT PIN

OK. Maybe just this once.

MIDDLE PIN

Yeah, this one's for Banana Daiquiri.

SIDE PIN

The ball's headed this way.

FRONT PIN

C'mon, baby. You can do it.

SIDE PIN

Come to mama.

MIDDLE PIN

Come to papa.

FRONT PIN

Right down the center, just the way I like it.

SIDE PIN

Oh no, it's swinging wide!

MIDDLE PIN

Uh, he has his eyes closed.

SIDE PIN

So does she.

FRONT PIN

Quick. Make a lot of noise. You know, like it's actually happening.

SIDE PIN

Oh baby.

FRONT PIN

Yes.

MIDDLE PIN

Yes.

SIDE PIN

Yes!

FRONT and SIDE PIN fall one way.

MIDDLE PIN falls the other way.

Sees the other two.

Corrects itself and falls in their direction.


MIDDLE PIN

Ah...!

FRONT PIN

Rapture!

SIDE PIN

So that's what it feels like.

FRONT and MIDDLE PIN stare at SIDE PIN.


SIDE PIN (cont'd)

(quickly)

...to fall over.

FRONT PIN

Right.

SIDE PIN

Hey, look at those two.

MIDDLE PIN

(singing)

In other words, hold my hand...

FRONT PIN

Yeah, that does appear to be working out after all.

SIDE PIN

Another happy ending. Our work here is done.

MIDDLE PIN

Feels kinda nice down here, don't it?

FRONT PIN

Hey! They're leaving!

SIDE PIN

That was the point.

FRONT PIN

It was?
But the game isn't over.

SIDE PIN

By the way she just turned and winked at you, I think it is.

FRONT PIN

She winked at me? Really? She didn't just have something in her eye?

SIDE PIN

Take the good stuff and run with it, buddy.

FRONT PIN

But...
I mean...
Ah heck.
Sing us out, Sparky.

MIDDLE PIN

(singing)

Fly me to the moon
And let me play among the stars...

ALL THREE PINS

(singing)

Let me see what spring is like
On Jupiter and Mars
In other words hold my hand
In other words, darling, kiss me...

The lights fade.





copyright 2007 by Holly Davis & Matthew A. Everett

© Matthew A Everett
matthewaeverett.com