"Six condoms. You're an optimist."
|From: The Bronze Bitch Flies At Noon|
Jonathan's parents gave him a hundred dollar bill to go get something he wants as a graduation present. What he wants is to lose his viriginity before he graduates. And he wants to lose it with David, the frat boy he shares a lab station with in chemistry class. On the night before graduation, alone in the chemistry lab, the young men strike a bargain. Following through may be more complicated than either of them imagined. They start this scene physically very close to one another.
(The scene immediately preceding this one, which is the opening of the play, is also available for viewing - the quote link is "If I could define sex, I wouldn't need to give you a hundred dollars.")
The full script of "The Bronze Bitch Flies At Noon" is available for purchase as part of "Short Plays, Volume 1" (in hard copy or download form) at
Part of Matthew' online script store
copyright 1998 by Matthew A. Everett
After a moment, DAVID grabs the bag out of JONATHAN's other hand and moves away.
JONATHAN realizes he hasn't been breathing.
DAVIDWhat's in the bag?
DAVID dumps the contents of the bag.
DAVIDSix condoms. You're an optimist.
DAVID quickly crumples the bag and tosses it aside.
JONATHANMaybe doing it here's not such a good idea.
DAVIDYou got a roommate, I got a fraternity. We're not wasting part of that hundred on a hotel room.
DAVIDGraduation's tomorrow at noon. Tick tock.
DAVID makes a move for JONATHAN.
JONATHAN pulls back.
JONATHANWhat about me made you say yes?
DAVIDI mean, you're not a psycho or anything. And if you were, I could take you if I needed to.
And I could tell you meant it. That you were serious. I mean, if a brother asked me for something like this --
JONATHANIf your brother -- ?!
DAVIDFraternity brother! God!
DAVIDMy own brother? That's sick. That'd be even sicker than--
DAVIDAnyway -- if a frat brother asked me, I'd have known he was joking. I wouldn't've believed it.
JONATHANBut from me, you would?
And it's the last day, right? We graduate. After tomorrow, we never see each other again. Like it never happened.
JONATHANThe back of your neck.
JONATHANThe back of your neck. It's sexy.
DAVIDHere we go with the talking thing again.
JONATHANYou asked for something specific about you.
DAVIDWhy my neck?
JONATHANI don't know. Maybe because I see it all the time in class. Skin. Always exposed. You're vulnerable. It's the part of you that I know best. I have the back of your neck memorized. It's all I could do sometimes not to reach out and touch it.
JONATHAN reaches out, but stops.
DAVID takes JONATHAN's hand.
DAVID (continued)I mean, you're paying for it, right?
DAVID brings JONATHAN's hand up to his neck.
Then footsteps and a voice singing are heard nearby.
(singing, offstage)Heaven --
DAVIDUp against the wall.
(singing, offstage, closer)-- I'm in heaven --
DAVID pushes JONATHAN up against the unseen wall, his fingers gently covering JONATHAN's mouth.
SECURITY GUARD approaches the room, singing the first verse of "Cheek to Cheek" from the film "TOP HAT" -- doesn't have to be terribly good. S/he thinks s/he's alone and we all sing well in private.
Maybe there's even a little dance step. Perhaps s/he unlocks the door and leans into the room. The GUARD's flashlight beam takes a leisurely pass through the chemistry lab with a flourish or two as the GUARD sings --
(singing, offstage)And my heart beats so that I can hardly speak.
And I seem to find the happiness I seek
When we're out together dancing cheek to cheek.
DAVID and JONATHAN are not discovered.
The GUARD's humming/whistling and footsteps fade away.
(heated whisper)I thought you said he wasn't coming back for twenty minutes.
JONATHANWell, he is. Are you sure you know what you're doing?
DAVIDIf you got the money, I know what I'm doing.
Pause. They are still very close together against the wall, DAVID's fingers brushing JONATHAN's face.
A moment passes.
DAVID breaks away and points to the condoms that fell out of the paper bag.
DAVID (continued)What do we need six condoms for?
JONATHANI just wanted to be prepared.
DAVIDIn case you have trouble getting one on right the first time? You have at least touched yourself, haven't you, Jonathan?
JONATHANI'm a virgin, not a monk.
(pause)So, loss of virginity would be -- ?
DAVIDAnything less, might as well be jerkin' off in the showers back at the dorm.
JONATHANHow'd you know?
DAVIDI didn't -- til now.
JONATHANSo who's doing the penetrating?
DAVIDI'm the frat boy.
JONATHANIt's my hundred.
DAVIDBeing penetrated's good enough for a girl.
JONATHANI'm not a girl.
DAVIDNeither am I.
JONATHANI don't want to find out later that I'm still a virgin on some kind of technicality. We both do it.
DAVIDI don't know.
JONATHANYou want the money or what?
DAVIDWe're in a time crunch. I go first, after that we negotiate. Take off your shirt.
DAVIDI want to know what I'm getting into. Take off your shirt.
JONATHANWhat does my torso -- ?
DAVIDGraduation. Tomorrow. The bronze bitch flies at noon. Tick tock. Take off your shirt.
JONATHAN starts to unbutton his shirt, then hesitates.
JONATHANYou wouldn't --
JONATHANGet me naked and then call in your frat brothers to laugh at me or something.
DAVIDWhy would I do that?
DAVIDIt's just your shirt.
(pause)You're gonna let me -- you know -- and you still don't trust me enough to -- ? You don't think I like you or something? I mean, you're OK -- I mean, I don't --
DAVID peels the fraternity T-shirt off over his head.
DAVID (continued)Your turn.
JONATHAN unbuttons his shirt and takes it off.
DAVID (continued)Turn around.
JONATHAN does a full turn, awkwardly.
DAVID (continued)You're in pretty good shape -- you know, for someone who isn't on a team or in a frat or anything.
JONATHANSo, should we -- kiss or something?
DAVIDIf you want.
JONATHAN nods and takes a step toward DAVID.
DAVID moves in close.
JONATHAN reaches up and touches DAVID's skin.
DAVID leans in and kisses JONATHAN.
(there's more, but the conclusion of the story isn't available on this website.)
copyright 1998 by Matthew A. Everett