"If I could define sex, I wouldn't need to give you a hundred dollars."
|From: The Bronze Bitch Flies At Noon|
This is the very start of the play. Read on...
The full script of "The Bronze Bitch Flies At Noon" is available for purchase as part of "Short Plays, Volume 1" (in hard copy or download form) at
Part of Matthew' online script store
copyright 1998 by Matthew A. Everett
The room - a college chemistry lab classroom - is moonlit and in it stands JONATHAN, gangly and bookish, in his early twenties, holding a set of keys and a small brown paper bag.
He waits, nervous.
After a moment, there is a knock at the door to the lab, which startles him. He hesitates.
The knock comes again, more insistent. JONATHAN works up his courage and goes to the door.
(beyond the door, impatient)Yeah.
JONATHAN lets DAVID in.
DAVID enters quickly. He is also in his early twenties, an athletic young man in a fraternity T-shirt.
After DAVID is in, JONATHAN shuts the door, a little too loudly for DAVID's liking.
DAVID goes to the door and checks out the hall beyond, then closes the door, quietly.
DAVIDOK. We got twenty til the security guy gets back around this way.
DAVIDHalf hour tops. If we're quiet.
DAVIDCrime of the scene, scene of the crime.
DAVIDHere. Chem lab.
JONATHANPlace where we --
DAVIDWhere you --
DAVIDDecided you wanted to --
Pause. They look at each other.
DAVIDA hundred dollar bill. For --
JONATHANFor -- sex.
JONATHANIf I could define sex, I wouldn't need to give you a hundred dollars.
DAVIDWhere's the money?
JONATHANA safe place.
DAVIDCash on delivery.
JONATHANSomething like that.
DAVIDWhere'd you get a hundred dollar bill from anyway?
JONATHANMy parents. Graduation present. They told me to get -- something I wanted.
(quick to add)But you know it's basically just the whole virgin thing.
DAVIDWhat whole virgin thing?
JONATHANA guy's not supposed to graduate from college without -- you know --
JONATHANRight. It's -- embarrassing.
DAVIDYou think you'll be the only one to put on a cap and gown who didn't lose his cherry before he left the dorm?
JONATHANI'm the only one who escaped my high school prom untouched. This is getting pathetic.
And then there's the statue outside the administration building.
DAVIDYou mean the bronze bitch?
DAVIDYou don't believe in that, do you?
DAVIDThe statue just up and flies away the first time a virgin graduates from this college?
JONATHANWell, when you say it that way --
JONATHANIf you can call this place urban.
JONATHANSo you don't -- ?
DAVIDIt's a story you use to get into a girl's pants or shame your frat pledge into seeing a hooker. But it's fiction. I mean, it works sometimes, but still --
JONATHANHow do you know?
DAVIDYou can't be the first --
JONATHANWell, how do you know? I mean, are you?
JONATHANStill a -- ?
DAVIDSo this is just a business transaction. You don't -- like me.
(pause)If I'm killing two birds with one stone, what's it matter to you?
JONATHANWhy not you?
DAVIDI mean, what about me made you think -- ? 'Cause I got a girlfriend.
JONATHANNora. I know. I've seen her.
DAVIDAnd we -- you know --
JONATHANNone of my business.
DAVIDAll the time.
JONATHANOK, OK, I get the picture.
DAVIDI'm just saying --
JONATHANIt's not because I thought you -- or that you seemed -- it's just, you know, you're --
JONATHANWhat do you mean, 'really'?
DAVIDI mean, what did you see? What about me do you think is--?
JONATHANI don't know. Nothing specific. You just -- are. I mean, what does Nora think? There must be certain things about you she --
DAVIDYou don't talk about that stuff.
DAVIDIt's either there or it's not, you know.
JONATHANIt's just there must be something --
DAVIDIs there anything --
JONATHAN-- you know, that's either --
DAVID-- you don't talk about?
JONATHAN-- there or not there, right?
DAVIDThis is probably part of your problem.
DAVIDThe talking thing. I mean, do you ever just do anything?
JONATHANLike -- ?
DAVIDOn a dare. Money or no money. Someone claims you wouldn't be able to kiss a dog on the mouth or grab an underclassman in the shower just to freak him out or drop your pants in the parking lot after a game --
JONATHANOr walk up to a guy and offer him --
DAVIDYeah, but how long did you plot this -- I mean, the keys and --
JONATHANBeing a good student has its perks.
DAVIDOnly if you take advantage, push the limit. How long was that hundred dollar bill sitting in your wallet? You don't wait til the last moment. You make your moment. Take it. Go for it. Like you might not get another. 'Cause you might not.
JONATHANNot all of us are --
DAVIDNot talkin' about all of us. You. Just you.
JONATHANThe way you hold her hand.
DAVIDWhat about it?
JONATHANIt's sexy. You don't grab her or hold on too tight, but you're not trying to get away either. It's just -- comfortable. Your fingers -- the two of you, the fingers knit together. You're close to each other or you're roaming all spread out but never quite let go. Like it's a part of you. Like breathing.
DAVID takes JONATHAN's hand.
DAVIDYou're paying me to do a lot more than just hold your hand.
JONATHANWell, yeah, but --
DAVIDGood -- I mean, that'd be almost too easy -- gettin' paid a hundred for just --
JONATHANYou asked what I thought was --
DAVID-- holding your hand.
DAVIDI'd be disappointed in you.
JONATHANWouldn't want that.
copyright 1998 by Matthew A. Everett