Scene Detail

Its not anything you did or didnt do, you know. Get over yourself.

From: How To Date A Werewolf; or, Loneseome, Wild and Blue
2 Characters
Gender Age Character Name
Either Adult: Any Age TERRY
Either Adult: Any Age GLENN
 
Setup:
If youre a werewolf, dating is hard enough. But when your ex is a zombie who just wont go away, that can complicate matters. A romantic comedy with a supernatural twist, because everybodys a monster a couple of days a month.

Terry has recently been diagnosed with latent lycanthropy - a carrier of the werewolf virus, which can be spread through sexual contact. In a restaurant, Terrys date, Robin, reminds them of Terrys doctor, and a memory of a recent medical appointment. When Robin steps off to the restroom, the waiter arrives. The waiter turns out to be Glenn, the zombie remains of Terrys former lover, who has some unfinished personal business with Terry. But then, Terry has unfinished personal business with Glenn as well.

(This play is written to be non-gender-specific, so the actors could be in any combination of male or female. Adjust the pronouns accordingly.)

Characters may be played by either gender, but should probably either be all male, or all female (bisexuality still seems to confuse people, for some reason)

Feel free to mix things up in terms of race, age, disability, etc. If they're old it means one thing, if they're young it means another.

In the following scene Terry has just watched a potential date make a hasty exit after learning that Terry is a carrier of the werewolf virus (and it's spread through sexual contact). In the midst of the revelation, Terry was reminded of their visit to the doctor where they received the diagnosis - and the actor playing the date also played the doctor for the flashback. Glenn, a zombie who is also a waiter, has been slowly approaching the table for a while and is at last reaching Terry.

The full text of How To Date A Werewolf (part of Short Plays, volume 3) and other plays can be purchased at http://www.lulu.com/spotlight/matthewaeverett
 

Scene

Copyright 2013 by Matthew A. Everett




TERRY watches Robin go.

GLENN has at last arrived at the table behind TERRY.


GLENN

Do you think that all your -- ?

TERRY, startled, screams.


GLENN (contd)

Sorry.

TERRY

Dont. Do! That.

GLENN

How is it that I surprise you? It takes me forever to get anywhere.

TERRY

You were saying?

GLENN

When you screamed?

TERRY

Yeah.

GLENN

Do you think that all your dates now will just end up reminding you of your doctor?

TERRY

Well, the doctor is my own little medical Jiminy Cricket.

GLENN

You cant let being a werewolf --

TERRY

Latent werewolf.

GLENN

Latent werewolf, define you.

TERRY

Thanks, Zombie Glenn. Ill keep that in mind.

GLENN

Why do you keep calling me Zombie Glenn? Why dont you just call me Glenn?

TERRY

Because youre a zombie, Glenn.

GLENN

Im still Glenn.

TERRY

Youre never going to die, are you?

GLENN

You dont want me to.

TERRY

Were in a restaurant. Should I be worried about my brain?

GLENN

I told you. Im subsisting mostly on road kill these days.

TERRY

Ew.

GLENN

Its already dead.

TERRY

Is there really enough to get by?

GLENN

Are you kidding me? Ever since people started talking on their cell phones while driving, road kill is a growth industry, my friend. Oh, and texting! Texting while driving has been a real boon. The squirrels alone! A veritable buffet of options.

TERRY

So you really dont do humans?

GLENN

Not anymore. Not since that city councilman. He had a bad aftertaste. Oh, and the homeless lady. The alcoholic ones are nice, the brains been marinated a little. But humans are too much work.

TERRY

Well, thats a relief.

GLENN

Plus, since I started working here, the kitchen takes good care of me. The sweetbreads here are to die for.

TERRY

No pun intended.

GLENN

Yeah. Sorry.

TERRY

Wait. You work here?

GLENN

The service was already slow.

TERRY

True.

GLENN

Just a tip for you - itd be a good idea to order your food at the same time I take your drink order. Itll take me a while to get to the kitchen and back. By the time you have your drink, I can go back and pick up your food, itll be just about ready. Times out perfect.

TERRY

Why are you still hanging around?

GLENN

Im a zombie.

TERRY

But why are you still hanging around me?

GLENN

Youre my friend.

TERRY

You have a [husband/wife]. Had a [husband/wife].

GLENN

I just freak [him/her] out.

TERRY

You freak me out.

GLENN

But I make [him/her] think [he/she]s losing [his/her] mind.

TERRY

And Ive got a better grasp on reality?

GLENN

Ive hurt [him/her] enough.

TERRY

But not me.

GLENN

Thats not what I meant.

Pause.


GLENN (contd)

What?

TERRY

Never mind.

GLENN

No. What?

Pause.


TERRY

Why did you kill yourself?

GLENN

I dont remember.

TERRY

Liar.

GLENN

Its the one thing you dont take with you. The trigger. The thing that made you do it. I dont know why. Everything before, everything after. Just not that.

TERRY

Then whats the good of sticking around?

GLENN

You miss me.

TERRY

I missed you for years. I stayed away so the two of you --

GLENN

I know.

TERRY

You could have called.

GLENN

I know.

TERRY

I dont mean generally. I mean then. That night. Not just me. Anyone. You were surrounded by people who loved you, who would have dropped anything they were doing, day or night, to run and be with you if things were that bad. You shouldnt have had to go through that alone.

GLENN

We all go through that alone.

TERRY

You wouldnt have had to. From the person who slept next to you in your bed, to your three sisters scattered across the country - who adore you, and are wrecked, by the way - to the dozens and dozens and *dozens* of friends you had in this town. Any of us --

GLENN

Thats good to hear.

TERRY

But it didnt do you a damn bit of good because part of you must not have believed it.

GLENN

Its not anything you did or didnt do, you know. Get over yourself.

TERRY

Then what?

GLENN

I. dont. remember.

TERRY

So nothing led up to it. It came on you all of a sudden, no warning.

GLENN

You remember what it was like. When we were together. Before I met you, I did things, things happened to me, I let things happen to me. They were still following me around. I never really shook them. One day it sneaks up behind you, taps you on the shoulder, its back.

TERRY

The sleepwalking.

GLENN

Waking up in the middle of the night for no reason, scared of the dark, scared to turn on a light.

TERRY

I told you to get help. I begged you to get help.

GLENN

And I did.

TERRY

Not enough.

GLENN

You helped me. For a while. You did.

TERRY

But you chose Jordan.

GLENN

Yup. [He/She] helped me, too.

TERRY

For a while.

GLENN

I thought I had it beat. I spent most of my life happy and laughing. And a tiny part of it terrified.

TERRY

Were you still hallucinating?

GLENN

Every man before he dies shall see the devil.

TERRY

Stop pretending its a cute little story you tell. Its not.

GLENN

Why are you so convinced it was a hallucination?

TERRY

You said you saw a demon in your kitchen in the middle of the night.

GLENN

Youre a werewolf. Im a zombie. And you still have a problem with the concept of me seeing a demon in my kitchen.

TERRY

I just hate the idea of you being alone, and scared, and thinking that was the only way out.

GLENN

You have to let yourself off the hook for this one.

TERRY

There were things I never got over, too, you know.

GLENN

I know. I was staying away from you, too, while you were staying away from me.

TERRY

Shifting gears is hard.

GLENN

I did love you, you know. In my way.

TERRY

Would have been nice to hear that.

GLENN

Why do you think Im here?

Pause.


TERRY

Damn. Dating just got a whole lot more complicated.

GLENN

But its the 21st century. Youve got the internet on your side.

TERRY

Oh I know. Already started doing my homework. All kinds of websites. Theres a whole underground community out there. FOW.

GLENN

FOW.

TERRY

F. O. W. Friends of the Wolf.

GLENN

All wolf, all the time?

TERRY

Not all. Some are just willing to take a chance. Theyre not looking to catch it --

GLENN

No bug chasers. Wolf chasers. Dog catchers?

TERRY

OK. Stop.

GLENN

Got a smile out of you, though.

TERRY

Yeah.

(pause)

God, I miss you.

GLENN

Yeah.
Me, too.

(pause)

So. These people -- ?

TERRY

Theyre just not ruling anybody out because of something running through their veins.

GLENN

Special people.

TERRY

Everybodys gotta find their tribe somehow.

GLENN

Still. The wolf thing. Me. Thats a lot of pressure to load on top of a first date.

TERRY

Yeah.

TERRY looks off in the direction 3 [ROBIN] left.

Pause.


GLENN

What?

TERRY

Its dumb.

GLENN

Probably not.

TERRY

Robin. I know that ship has sailed but...
I was just kinda hoping maybe...

TERRY doesnt finish.

Pause.


GLENN

Tell you what - Theres a nicer table thats just opened up. Why dont I take you there?

TERRY moves to follow GLENN.


GLENN (contd)

You better go on ahead. Its over there, in the corner. You go get settled and Ill be right behind you.

TERRY goes.

GLENN slowly makes [his/her] way to follow.







Copyright 2013 by Matthew A. Everett

© Matthew A Everett
matthewaeverett.com