"Once you make up your mind to do it, things get simpler. Or you think they do."
|From: How To Date A Werewolf; or, Loneseome, Wild and Blue|
|Either||Adult: Any Age||GLENN|
If youre a werewolf, dating is hard enough. But when your ex is a zombie who just wont go away, that can complicate matters. A romantic comedy with a supernatural twist, because everybodys a monster a couple of days a month.
Terry has recently been diagnosed with latent lycanthropy - a carrier of the werewolf virus, which can be spread through sexual contact. In a restaurant, Terrys date, Robin, reminds them of Terrys doctor, and a memory of a recent medical appointment. When Robin steps off to the restroom, the waiter arrives. The waiter turns out to be Glenn, the zombie remains of Terrys former lover, who has some unfinished personal business with Terry. But then, Terry has unfinished personal business with Glenn as well.
(This play is written to be non-gender-specific, so the actors could be in any combination of male or female. Adjust the pronouns accordingly.)
Characters may be played by either gender, but should probably either be all male, or all female (bisexuality still seems to confuse people, for some reason)
Feel free to mix things up in terms of race, age, disability, etc. If they're old it means one thing, if they're young it means another.
In this monologue, Glenn the zombie talks about their suicide attempt and its unintended consequences.
The full text of How To Date A Werewolf (part of Short Plays, volume 3) and other plays can be purchased at http://www.lulu.com/spotlight/matthewaeverett
Copyright 2013 by Matthew A. Everett
GLENNOnce you make up your mind to do it, things get simpler.
Or you think they do.
You just stop dealing with things and people you dont want to. So the complications no longer exist. Theyre still there, you just dont bother engaging them anymore.Theres a new focus. The exit plan.
Because you have to plan. You dont want surprises.
You dont want the gun to stick, or the pills to come back up, or the blood to not flow as freely as it needs to.
You lay down, you surrender? You dont want to come back.
It needs to be simple, straightforward.
If you cant see yourself going through with it, theres no point in continuing to contemplate it.
Me? It wasnt about sticking it to someone else.
I didnt need a witness.
There wasnt someone I was trying to punish.
And no, I wasnt thinking of anyone else.
Thinking of other people is what keeps you alive.
I honestly didnt think anyone would miss me.
Or that Id miss anyone.
It just seemed like the most efficient way to shut off the voices.
Shutting off everything, entirely.
This? The zombie thing? That was a surprise.
I suppose someone could chop my head off, or take a rifle and blow a hole in my skull...
But if theres quite literally no escape? If nothing ever truly ends?
What if once we start, once we, whatever we are, exists, it doesnt stop?
Someone once said there was a simple test to know whether your mission or purpose on earth was complete. If youre still here, its not.
I thought we got to decide.
I thought we had control of the on/off switch.
If theres something out there...
I didnt think I was afraid of anything after this but...
Thats the kind of God Im afraid of. The kind that makes you hang around until you finish. Lets you know that youve got something you need to finish. But they wont tell you what it is. Just, Sorry, not done with you yet.
I figured on heaven or hell. I just didnt bargain on purgatory.
When youre looking to die, theres nothing more terrifying than the concept of eternal life.
Copyright 2013 by Matthew A. Everett