THE SET-UP
Seth is a young Marine serving during wartime. Nicholas is his civilian longtime companion who waits back home. In addition to the strain on their relationship caused by distance and absence, they must hide their love for one another behind code words and secret identities because of the “don’t ask, don’t tell” policy barring gays and lesbians from serving openly in the United States military. Seth’s mother Anne assists them by providing the cover of a woman’s handwriting for Nicholas’ daily letters, but Nicholas and Seth’s resolve is starting to weaken. Jonas, another young gay Marine in Seth’s unit just coming to terms with his identity, forms an intense bond with Seth overseas. Tyson, a former Army soldier who got fed up with “don’t ask, don’t tell” and didn’t reenlist, now works alongside Nicholas, providing temptation as well as a reality check. When Seth returns home for an unexpected leave, with Jonas at his side, and post-traumatic stress following him from the battlefield, old relationships are tested, and new ones bloom.
Here, Jonas has just asked Nicholas how to recognize when he’s in love. Specifically, he asks Nicholas when he first knew he was in love with Seth. This is Nicholas’ response.
“And the way he’s looking at me, grinning, chewing, his mouth full of my potato skin — I couldn’t stop looking at him.”
NICHOLAS
I was having dinner at Seth’s house. We were still kids. High school. Hadn’t made it to the first anniversary yet. We’d passed Thanksgiving and Christmas — both very weird. I just kept waiting for the whole thing to fall apart. But here it was, nearly spring, and we’d been — you know — for seven or eight months. Up in his room. Up in my room. Down by the river. I’m surprised I could sit for dinner. I was practically bow-legged.
His mom made baked potatoes. I never eat the skin. I dig out the potato innards and mash them all together with the butter and salt and sour cream and just leave this shell on the side of my plate. Well, Seth — sitting across from me, and with his parents at either end of the table, watching — he just reaches over, picks the potato carcass off my plate and sticks it in his mouth. And the way he’s looking at me, grinning, chewing, his mouth full of my potato skin — I couldn’t stop looking at him. I tried but I couldn’t. And there was this gob of sour cream on his upper lip and I nearly reached over to wipe it off with my finger but I caught myself and brought the finger back to touch my lip instead, to let him know. His tongue darted out and got the sour cream. And he just kept chewing and grinning and looking at me. And I still hadn’t taken my finger away from my lip. And I blushed. And my hand fell to my neck, but I still couldn’t look away. His father got up, loudly, and left the room. His mom got up and took her plate so it’d look like they were just clearing the table for dessert. Leaving me blushing and Seth grinning and his father’s half-eaten plate at the end of the table. So I stopped expecting it to fall apart. I realized he understood me — and that wasn’t a bad thing for him.
And I knew I’d do anything for him.
Within reason.
Within or without.
(photo: (seated) Jack C. Kloppenborg as Nicholas and (standing) James Doyle as Jonas in the 2011 production of “Leave” by Urban Samurai Productions; photography by Ron Ravensborg; scenic design by Erica Zaffarano)
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