THE SET UP
Harris is a flamboyant young gay man in his late teens/early twenties, speaking with Spencer, his friend who is working his way through college walking around the local mall in a dog suit based on a popular cartoon character. Spencer, while in the costume, cannot speak, so Harris has a captive audience who can give him physical cues through body language, but can’t interrupt him. Harris is excited because he has just met a guy named Ralph, who happens to also be the brother of Linc, a young man Spencer has just met and taken a liking to. However, while Spencer has a chance with Linc, who is also gay, Ralph is straight, and thus out of reach for Harris.
“But it’s nice, even for just a little while. To feel like you belong. That the world’s large enough for everyone.”
HARRIS
So do you want to know the reason I was late?
I met a guy.
We met in the men’s restroom.
Not like that. Give me some credit.
And you’ll simply adore the little Dickensian twist at the end.
We went shopping for shirts together.
And he’s straight.
I know what you’re thinking. Here I go collecting another straight boy after all the ranting I do about what sad, pathetic hypocrites “straight-acting” gay guys are, right?
But there’s a different between “straight-acting” gay guys and real straight guys.
He was so lucky we weren’t shopping for pants.
You’re right. Nobody falls for the old “checking your inseam” line anymore anyway.
“Straight-acting” gay guys – they’re trying too hard. They want to convince everyone, including themselves, that even though they like guys, they’re still “normal.” So they never relax long enough to really be themselves, whatever that is. As if the facade is really going to matter to anyone who considers them deviants anyway. Just a lot of wasted energy concentrated on the wrong things, in my opinion.
I’m not saying it’s either be butch or be like me. Gays don’t all fit stereotypes any more than all black women are sassy or all Latin men are macho pigs. Stop worrying and just be. Deep down, you know who you are. That’s all I’m saying.
Actual straight guys? They just are. And when they’re open to being friends, well… They’re almost unbearably sweet sometimes. They’re so fragile, in a way. The whole society is still telling them that they’re the standard by which everything else is judged, and yet they’re growing up in a world full of constantly shifting rules. Rules that seem to be batting them down to the bottom of the pile, telling them everything they do, everything they’ve been taught, is wrong. They’re just trying to get through it as best they can.
When you think about it, a gay guy’s the best friend a straight guy could have. We actually listen to them. We understand them – same equipment, same indoctrination as kids. We enjoy their company. We’re not always trying to change them.
We know better. Or at least I do.
Yes, I learned the hard way, and it took a while, but I did finally learn.
And they’re just grateful for the attention, for the outlet.
All the intimacy, none of the sex. Which kind of ruins it for us, truth be told. Ruins us for other gay men, who are mostly all sex and no intimacy. Hard to find the whole thing in one person.
You hang out with a straight guy long enough, though, you start to feel like you belong. That you fit into the same world with the rest of the “normal” people. That your being different really doesn’t matter after all.
The feeling never lasts, of course.
But it’s nice, even for just a little while. To feel like you belong. That the world’s large enough for everyone.
And he’s damn cute.
And he doesn’t know it.
Which just makes him cuter.
It’s better when they don’t realize it.
They aren’t trying. They just are.
Breaks your heart.
(photo: 2004 production by Edinboro University of Pennsylvania (Edinboro, PA); l-r, Zach Shelly as Harris, and Seth A. Porterfield as Ralph)
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