THE SETUP
Cian, the guy Andrew very much wants to date, has just asked Andrew when he first knew he was gay.
“He was a Bible school counselor. Don’t even remember his name, some college boy…”
ANDREW
When did I know I was gay?
(pause, he considers)
He was a Bible school counselor. Don’t even remember his name, some college boy. Summer Bible camp for our church brought in some college Christian group to be teachers. Church families took ’em in as guests and we got him. One morning, I got up, I’m headin’ down to breakfast, and I pass the guest room. The door was open — sun coming through white curtains, across the guest bed — one of those high beds with a head board and those posts at each corner. The bed grandma and granddad slept in whenever they came to visit for Christmas. And now he was there. Still asleep. No shirt on. This long, tall, tan guy — morning sun on his face, freckles on his shoulders. I just stood there and watched him. Heard him breathing, saw his chest go slowly up and down. I was only there ’bout a minute, but seein’ that, it stuck with me. Then my mind remembered breakfast, I ran downstairs and didn’t think about him again. Kept coming back to him at Bible camp though, looked forward to the times he’d lead us in singing the hymns. He was a true believer, passionate — played the guitar, sang with such strength, such a smile on his face. I wanted to believe like that, wanted to glow. So when I realized who I was, what I was, that the church and God that I grew up with’d never accept me — that really hurt. I couldn’t tell my parents, so I ran away. Figured maybe it was college, maybe that was the place you figured it out, so I kept running til I came to this college town. And there were people like me here. People who wanted people like me. So I stayed. Better than being spit on back home. Anyway, that’s when I knew — when I started to know a lot of things, I guess.
(photo: 1997-1998 production by The Subterranean Theatre Company (Los Angeles, CA); Jason Farmer as Andrew)
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