THE SETUP
Gabby is the long-term girlfriend of Byron’s childhood best friend Vincent, on whom Byron has always had a hopeless crush.
Gabby holds a vigil at the hospital bed of her friend Byron, unconscious, and likely dying.
But between the two of them, they manage to conjure up a better time, when Gabby and Vincent’s relationship was still fairly new.
(This scene is part of a larger three-person scene that is also available for viewing: “Wishing On A Plane”)
“So, sex with Vince, first time. How was it?”
GABBY takes BYRON’s hand.
Suddenly, BYRON sits up in the hospital bed, taking her hand in both of his, all smiles.
BYRON
So, sex with Vince, first time. How was it?
GABBY
What makes you think we — ?
BYRON
I have my sources.
GABBY
He told you?! I can’t believe he told you.
BYRON
He said nothing. Which is how I knew. That, and a certain kind of smile he only gets when —
GABBY
OK, OK, I get it.
BYRON
So how was it?
GABBY
I am not discussing this with you.
BYRON
Oh come on.
GABBY
No. I’m serious.
BYRON
Scale of one to ten.
GABBY
No.
BYRON
Please.
GABBY
Eight.
BYRON
OK, what was wrong?
GABBY
Subject closed.
BYRON
Please. Last wish of a dying man.
GABBY
You are not dying.
OK, even if you weren’t, you’d still be pumping me for information about this.
BYRON
Come on. It’s something I’ll never get to do, but desperately want to. Just think of it as charity.
GABBY
Under duress.
BYRON
Of course.
GABBY
None of this gets back to him.
BYRON
Goes without saying.
GABBY
Say it.
BYRON
None of this gets back to him.
GABBY
Swear it.
BYRON
On my mother’s grave.
GABBY
She’s not dead.
BYRON
Wishful thinking.
GABBY
I mean it.
BYRON
On my grave then.
GABBY
Cut it out.
BYRON
I swear already, OK?
GABBY
OK. I wanted to tell someone anyway. And telling Cian —
BYRON
Besides, you’ve known me longer.
GABBY
True.
BYRON
I’ll have to die before Cian can catch up.
GABBY
I’m warning you. Cut the death routine.
BYRON
So what was wrong?
GABBY
Nothing was wrong. It was very nice.
BYRON
But not a nine or a ten.
GABBY
Nobody’s a ten. Even if I had sex with my favorite movie star or fictional character, it wouldn’t be a ten.
BYRON
I get it. Only God is perfect.
GABBY
We’re getting into a whole weird area here.
BYRON
So has anyone ever rated above an eight?
GABBY
No.
BYRON
So he was really good.
GABBY
Was this the main reason you got the two of us together?
Scouting reports?
BYRON
No, of course not.
Not the main reason.
An added perk, maybe —
GABBY
Byron.
BYRON
Oh come on. How many eights have you had in your life?
GABBY
Not many.
BYRON
See?
GABBY
Well, you grew up with him — gym class and all. You must have seen him —
BYRON
Naked.
GABBY
Yes.
BYRON
Well, seeing is one thing but —
GABBY
If you say “doing” —
Quit smiling like that. It wasn’t worth that big a grin.
BYRON
So how big a grin would you give it?
A smile slowly spreads across GABBY’s face as BYRON lays back on the bed again, growing more distant.
BYRON (continued)
Oh, I see. So. Potential?
GABBY
Truckloads.
BYRON
Good for you.
BYRON’s face goes blank again.
GABBY looks at him sadly, strokes his hair.
(photo: 1997-1998 production by The Subterranean Theatre Company (Los Angeles, CA); Tania Gutsche as Gabby, Mark Vanslow as Byron)
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