THE SETUP
Byron, unconscious, is laid up in a hospital bed, probably for the last time (though a flashback will along us to glimpse his old self shortly).
Vincent, Byron’s best friend, and Gabby, Vincent’s long-term girlfriend and another good friend of Byron’s, have come to visit.
Gabby still holds onto her faith, while Vincent grows more and more estranged from religion, convinced that God is allowing his friend to die.
(This scene is also split into two 2-person scenes, also available for viewing: “A Place Called Providence” and “Sex with Vince Report” – and Gabby’s story about meeting Byron for the first time is also pulled out as a monologue posting title “Ticket to the Wedding”)
“I don’t think it works if you wish on a plane.”
The sound of an airplane flying by overhead is heard as —
Emphasis shifts to a pool of light with BYRON lying in the hospital bed. GABBY walks over and sits by the bed, reading to him.
VINCENT appears on the edge of the pool of light, listening.
GABBY
And neither the angels in heaven above
Nor the demons down under the sea
Can ever dissever my soul from the soul
Of the beautiful Annabelle Lee.
VINCENT
That’s nice.
GABBY
Edgar Allen Poe, can you believe it?
(gestures to BYRON)
A poetry nut. One of the many things we have in common.
Another plane flies by.
VINCENT
Must be comforting for him. Being near the airport. Planes going by.
GABBY
Sometimes you can see them from his window. Especially at night like this. At times they move so slowly, I mistake them for stars.
VINCENT looks out the unseen window.
VINCENT
I wish I may, I wish I might —
GABBY
I don’t think it works if you wish on a plane.
VINCENT
At this point, I’ll try anything.
GABBY
You could always pray.
VINCENT
Now you’d know I was desperate if that happened, wouldn’t you?
GABBY
At this point —
VINCENT
I’ll leave that to you.
GABBY
OK.
VINCENT
I’m glad you’re here.
(Pause.)
GABBY
He sold me a ticket to my brother’s wedding.
VINCENT
Your family charges admission?
GABBY
One way to pay for it.
No, I mean a plane ticket.
I walked up to his station and said I needed a ticket to Providence, Rhode Island. And he said, “Oh, you don’t want to go there.” He was quite insistent. There was no line, he had time to kill, so he was just jerking me around. I had to get moving so I told him about the wedding just to speed things along. Before I know it, we’re laying out my entire family history, including my brother Jake’s failed first marriage, which is quite frankly none of this ticket pusher’s business, but pretty soon we’re exchanging names and phone numbers and of course he’s gay — my luck — but never fear, he says, he knows this great straight guy named Vincent that I absolutely have to meet when I get back from — ick — Rhode Island. “Still, if you’ve gotta trust your life to a plane, there are worse places to land than a city called Providence.”
Just the way he talked about you, I knew I was done for.
GABBY takes BYRON’s hand.
VINCENT turns to the unseen window as another plane is heard flying over.
Suddenly, BYRON sits up in the hospital bed, taking her hand in both of his, all smiles.
As BYRON begins speaking, the light slowly dims on VINCENT.
BYRON
So, sex with Vince, first time. How was it?
GABBY
What makes you think we — ?
BYRON
I have my sources.
GABBY
He told you?! I can’t believe he told you.
BYRON
He said nothing. Which is how I knew. That, and a certain kind of smile he only gets when —
GABBY
OK, OK, I get it.
BYRON
So how was it?
GABBY
I am not discussing this with you.
BYRON
Oh come on.
GABBY
No. I’m serious.
BYRON
Scale of one to ten.
GABBY
No.
BYRON
Please.
GABBY
Eight.
BYRON
OK, what was wrong?
GABBY
Subject closed.
BYRON
Please. Last wish of a dying man.
GABBY
You are not dying.
OK, even if you weren’t, you’d still be pumping me for information about this.
BYRON
Come on. It’s something I’ll never get to do, but desperately want to. Just think of it as charity.
GABBY
Under duress.
BYRON
Of course.
GABBY
None of this gets back to him.
BYRON
Goes without saying.
GABBY
Say it.
BYRON
None of this gets back to him.
GABBY
Swear it.
BYRON
On my mother’s grave.
GABBY
She’s not dead.
BYRON
Wishful thinking.
GABBY
I mean it.
BYRON
On my grave then.
GABBY
Cut it out.
BYRON
I swear already, OK?
GABBY
OK. I wanted to tell someone anyway. And telling Cian —
BYRON
Besides, you’ve known me longer.
GABBY
True.
BYRON
I’ll have to die before Cian can catch up.
GABBY
I’m warning you. Cut the death routine.
BYRON
So what was wrong?
GABBY
Nothing was wrong. It was very nice.
BYRON
But not a nine or a ten.
GABBY
Nobody’s a ten. Even if I had sex with my favorite movie star or fictional character, it wouldn’t be a ten.
BYRON
I get it. Only God is perfect.
GABBY
We’re getting into a whole weird area here.
BYRON
So has anyone ever rated above an eight?
GABBY
No.
BYRON
So he was really good.
GABBY
Was this the main reason you got the two of us together?
Scouting reports?
BYRON
No, of course not.
Not the main reason.
An added perk, maybe —
GABBY
Byron.
BYRON
Oh come on. How many eights have you had in your life?
GABBY
Not many.
BYRON
See?
GABBY
Well, you grew up with him — gym class and all. You must have seen him —
BYRON
Naked.
GABBY
Yes.
BYRON
Well, seeing is one thing but —
GABBY
If you say “doing” —
Quit smiling like that. It wasn’t worth that big a grin.
BYRON
So how big a grin would you give it?
A smile slowly spreads across GABBY’s face as BYRON lays back on the bed again, growing more distant.
BYRON (continued)
Oh, I see. So. Potential?
GABBY
Truckloads.
BYRON
Good for you.
BYRON’s face goes blank again. GABBY looks at him sadly, strokes his hair.
The light once again includes VINCENT, looking out into the darkness surrounding them.
VINCENT
And neither the angels in heaven above
Nor the demons down under the sea —
Sound of a plane flying by, as BYRON, GABBY and VINCENT fade into the darkness.
(photo: 1997-1998 production by The Subterranean Theatre Company (Los Angeles, CA); l-r, Tom Sonnek as Vincent, Tania Gutsche as Gabby, Mark Vanslow as Byron)
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