THE SET UP
Harris, a flamboyantly gay young man in his late teens/early twenties, has just gotten the brushoff from Linc, a handsome athletic young gay man who simply looked right past him – right over to Harris’ friend Spencer, in a dog suit. Granted, the dog suit is a life-size recreation of a popular cartoon character that gave Linc a welcome flashback to his childhood, but still, Harris gets overlooked a lot by the “straight-looking, normal” gay set. The fact that Harris knows Spencer within the dog suit is another of those regular guys doesn’t help any either. While Linc goes off to find comfort with Spencer, Harris retreats to the men’s room to try and pull himself together.
“Give it up. The pretty boys always end up with each other. Who wants to be seen in public with you, much less sleep with you?”
Emphasis shifts to HARRIS in a pool of light meant to represent a men’s restroom.
The sound of a toilet flushing should be the main thing that establishes this space.
The most set-wise that would be needed is a paper towel dispenser of some sort. The sinks, mirrors, stalls and urinals can all be indicated either by the movement of the actors in the space, or with the barest framework suggesting where the items might be located in the space. Actual urinals, sinks, stalls and mirrors will only get in the way. They aren’t the point of the scene, and they shouldn’t be on stage.
HARRIS has been crying a little but is pulling himself together as the light finds him. He stands downstage, at what would be the sinks and mirrors, the paper towel dispenser nearby, and looks out toward the audience as if looking in a mirror.
He finishes wiping his eyes. He grabs a towel and blows his nose with an enormous honking noise.
He mimes getting some water from the sink to fix his face, and does so. He looks himself over in the mirror again.
HARRIS
Pull yourself together, man. He’s just a guy. Another guy. Just the death of possibility, and hope. You’ve been here before.
The light changes to something not quite real.
LINC and SPENCER, strangely not in the dog suit – appear in separate pools of light on either side of the rest room area.
LINC
Please. You didn’t honestly think you stood a chance with me, did you?
HARRIS
Well, no.
SPENCER
Liar.
HARRIS
A girl can dream.
LINC
You’re a throwback. An embarrassment.
HARRIS
OK, so I like Judy Garland and Patsy Cline. They seem to understand what I’m going through.
SPENCER
What are you, The Homo That Time Forgot?
HARRIS
AND they’re good singers.
LINC snorts derisively.
HARRIS (cont’d)
I can’t stand Barbara Streisand and I know almost nothing about showtunes. Don’t I get points for that?
LINC
Well, maybe if you didn’t have this prancing act of yours going on all the time —
HARRIS
This is not an act. This is who I am.
LINC
Well, good luck with that.
LINC fades into the dark.
SPENCER
Maybe if you were a real man.
HARRIS
I am a man. A little more in touch with my feminine side than most, maybe, but —
SPENCER
Give it up. The pretty boys always end up with each other. Who wants to be seen in public with you, much less sleep with you?
HARRIS
Hey, I can get sex, no problem.
SPENCER
Yeah, but does anyone hang around long enough to actually date you?
HARRIS
I’m working on that.
SPENCER
Set your sights a little lower and maybe you won’t wind up spending the rest of your life alone.
HARRIS
Ingrate. I helped you get this job.
SPENCER
Just because you wanted to get in my pants.
HARRIS
A fleeting thought. Very fleeting.
SPENCER
Keep telling yourself that.
HARRIS
Even in the same dog suit, they like you better.
SPENCER
Can you blame them? Dump “politically aware” and “culturally savvy” and just get a friggin’ gym membership.
HARRIS
This isn’t you. I know you’re my friend. I know you like me.
SPENCER
Well, good luck with that.
SPENCER vanishes into the dark.
The light returns to normal.
HARRIS shakes it off.
HARRIS (cont’d)
I gotta stop eating cold pizza for breakfast.
(photo: 2001 production by Allegheny College (Meadville, PA); l-r, Chris Johnson as Linc; Jeffrey Simpson as Spencer)
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