THE SET-UP
Seth is a young Marine serving during wartime. Nicholas is his civilian longtime companion who waits back home. In addition to the strain on their relationship caused by distance and absence, they must hide their love for one another behind code words and secret identities because of the “don’t ask, don’t tell” policy barring gays and lesbians from serving openly in the United States military. Seth’s mother Anne assists them by providing the cover of a woman’s handwriting for Nicholas’ daily letters, but Nicholas and Seth’s resolve is starting to weaken. Jonas, another young gay Marine in Seth’s unit just coming to terms with his identity, forms an intense bond with Seth overseas. Tyson, a former Army soldier who got fed up with “don’t ask, don’t tell” and didn’t reenlist, now works alongside Nicholas, providing temptation as well as a reality check. When Seth returns home for an unexpected leave, with Jonas at his side, and post-traumatic stress following him from the battlefield, old relationships are tested, and new ones bloom.
This scene takes place the morning after Seth’s first night back home on leave. The scene of his arrival, and talk with Nicholas late last night (which immediately precede – and are referenced in – this scene for Nicholas and Seth), are available online here under the titles:
Arriving Home Early
Midnight Talk In Bed
“Stop telling me everything’s OK! You’re not feeling what I’m feeling right now. It is not OK.”
NICHOLAS and SETH are emerging from the dark, ready to start their day.
They approach what will represent their car – it can be as simple as a pair of chairs, or just a raised space where the two men can sit side by side.
NICHOLAS pulls out the car keys and tosses them to SETH.
NICHOLAS
You wanna drive?
SETH considers it, but then tosses them back.
SETH
You better.
Pause.
NICHOLAS
OK.
You don’t have to go along, you know.
SETH
I know.
NICHOLAS
I know the outside’s weird for you, though. Maybe we should give it a couple of days. Going to your folks’ place and back every day is plenty.
SETH
I’m not an invalid.
NICHOLAS
Never said you were.
SETH
I want to spend as much time with you as I can, while I can.
NICHOLAS
I’m a very boring methodical shopper.
SETH
I’m already in the car. I’m going.
NICHOLAS
OK.
The car gets underway.
SETH is OK, at first.
SETH
Remind me again how my detail-oriented husband forgets to restock the kitchen?
NICHOLAS
You’re teasing me.
SETH
You give me so little opportunity, I have to take advantage. You know I eat like a horse. So…?
NICHOLAS
Honestly, I didn’t want to jinx it. Stock up, something falls through, then I’m stuck staring at shelves full of food that I have to eat by myself, or toss because it goes bad. You’ve turned me into a very superstitious person.
SETH
Uh-huh.
NICHOLAS
You’re practically pounding your foot through the floorboard over there. Are you OK?
SETH
Can you go faster?
NICHOLAS
I really shouldn’t.
SETH
We should be going faster.
NICHOLAS
It’s a residential area, Seth. I’m pushing it as it is.
SETH
Don’t stop.
NICHOLAS
There’s a stop sign.
SETH
There’s no one coming. Drive through. Keep going.
NICHOLAS
Seth —
SETH
We can’t sit still like this.
NICHOLAS
We’re going again. See? It’s OK.
SETH
Stop the car.
NICHOLAS
I thought you wanted me to keep going.
SETH
I need to get out. Stop the car.
NICHOLAS
OK, just let me —
SETH
Now!
NICHOLAS
Seth, wait. Jesus.
SETH
I thought if I got out of the house. If I saw everything was safe, maybe —
NICHOLAS
C’mere. Let me just —
SETH
Don’t touch me.
NICHOLAS
It’s OK.
SETH
I told you not to touch me! Other people can’t touch me right now!
NICHOLAS
I’m not other people.
SETH
I can’t have other people touching me when I’m like this.
NICHOLAS
When you’re like what?
SETH
I can’t breathe. Everything’s closing in.
NICHOLAS
We’re out in the open. It’s OK.
SETH
Stop telling me everything’s OK! You’re not feeling what I’m feeling right now. It is not OK.
NICHOLAS
No argument here. Since when do you shove me and bat my hands away when I try and touch you?
SETH
See, this isn’t me. When I’m like this, you can’t —
NICHOLAS
That’s bullshit. It’s rationalization. You are who you are and what you do, all the time. You might choose whether to control it or not, take responsibility or not, but it’s still you.
SETH
Are you judging me?
NICHOLAS
No.
SETH
Because it sounds like you’re judging me.
NICHOLAS
I’m just saying there’s not a part of you that isn’t here. There’s not a part of you that’s out of control. You’re stronger than that. The man I love is stronger than that.
SETH
The man you love has done some things… some things he isn’t sure he’s proud of. Some things that scare him.
NICHOLAS
You haven’t done those things to me.
SETH
No.
NICHOLAS
And I’m not gonna let you start.
SETH
Don’t.
Please. God, if I ever —
I’d rather cut my hands off.
NICHOLAS
You don’t have to protect me. From you, from what you’re feeling. The things you’ve done. We started this last night, and I know it’s going to take a while, but if that’s what you need, that’s what we’ll do. That’s the stuff we get to share that nobody else does. Good or bad. I signed on for all of it.
SETH
You shouldn’t have to.
NICHOLAS
I don’t have the luxury of ignoring things anymore. I’m in love with a Marine. Not the idea of one. A man. The man standing in front of me.
SETH
The man standing in front of you is pretty fucked up right now.
NICHOLAS
Yeah, well, welcome to the club, skippy.
SETH
Skippy?
NICHOLAS
Something lame Tyson always says. Sorry.
SETH
I hate that.
NICHOLAS
I know.
SETH
I don’t like thinking of you sharing things with someone else.
NICHOLAS
Same here.
SETH
When I’m back —
NICHOLAS
When you’re back, you will become intimately familiar with every tedious detail of my workday. I promise. Til then we’re just gonna have to play catch-up. One word at a time.
SETH
What are you chuckling about?
NICHOLAS
Well, at least the shopping trip isn’t boring.
SETH
That’s not funny.
NICHOLAS
C’mon, it’s a little funny.
SETH
Yeah.
NICHOLAS
OK.
How you doing now? Better?
SETH
A little.
NICHOLAS
The town hasn’t changed. It’s almost exactly the way it was when you left the last time. You know this place.
SETH
Towns over there –
NICHOLAS
Yeah?
SETH
We’ve been spending so much time indoors, I was starting to think it was a fort, a secure position, the only safe space, surrounded by nothing but —
NICHOLAS
I’m glad. Not that it seemed like the only safe space, but that at least there you felt — I want our home to always be that for you. A safe space. And you know I don’t mind spending time indoors with you either. We could do that for — days, weeks even. Stock up, turn off the phone —
SETH
Stop smiling.
NICHOLAS
You’re smiling.
SETH
Well, I have to focus. And I can’t do it with you looking at me like that.
NICHOLAS
You don’t have to focus. Just let it all go. You’re here. With me. In your home. You’re safe.
SETH
No one’s ever safe.
NICHOLAS
Saf-er then. You have to admit this is safer than —
SETH
Yeah.
NICHOLAS
If we need to be outside more, so that more of the town feels normal than just our place and your folks’ place, we can do that.
SETH
The thing that kills me is I’m just gonna barely get used to all this, to you and me, and our home, and then I have to turn around and go back.
NICHOLAS
Let’s just concentrate on now. Let’s give you as much normal as we can.
SETH
I keep changing. It’s like I don’t fit in the real world anymore.
NICHOLAS
That’s not true.
SETH
It’s like that’s the real world, over there. And this, this is a dream. This incredibly fragile thing. I can’t protect it. Half the time I’m the one breaking it.
NICHOLAS
It takes time.
SETH
I’m sorry if I scared you.
NICHOLAS
This isn’t your first leave.
SETH
I know, but — it’s bad over there. It’s getting worse. I’m getting worse.
NICHOLAS
So what do we do?
SETH
You can touch me now.
NICHOLAS
OK.
SETH
Just stay in front of me. You need to be facing me.
NICHOLAS
I can handle that.
SETH
No surprises from behind.
NICHOLAS
Well, I don’t have this issue, so you just approach me however and whenever you want to.
SETH
How can you not be freaking out right now? I’m freaking out.
NICHOLAS
I’m freaking out on the inside, trust me. But there’s no sense in both of us being upset. This is you now, I just have to get used to it. We both do. You can’t expect to do what you do and not have anything inside you change.
SETH
I love you, Pup.
NICHOLAS
I love you, too, Thumper.
A kiss.
More tenderness and comfort than heat.
NICHOLAS (cont’d)
Hey, there’s a store closer than the one I normally go to. We could get everything we need there. What do you say we just hoof it, and come back for the car later?
SETH
Sounds good.
NICHOLAS
Take my hand.
SETH and NICHOLAS walk off together.
(photo: (left to right) Nick James Parker as Seth and Tim Schmidt as Nicholas in the 2008 production of “Leave” by AfterDark Theatre Company at University of Minnesota-Morris, and the Bryant-Lake Bowl in Minneapolis; photography by Alex Clark)
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