THE SET-UP
Seth is a young Marine serving during wartime. Nicholas is his civilian longtime companion who waits back home. In addition to the strain on their relationship caused by distance and absence, they must hide their love for one another behind code words and secret identities because of the “don’t ask, don’t tell” policy barring gays and lesbians from serving openly in the United States military. Seth’s mother Anne assists them by providing the cover of a woman’s handwriting for Nicholas’ daily letters, but Nicholas and Seth’s resolve is starting to weaken. Jonas, another young gay Marine in Seth’s unit just coming to terms with his identity, forms an intense bond with Seth overseas. Tyson, a former Army soldier who got fed up with “don’t ask, don’t tell” and didn’t reenlist, now works alongside Nicholas, providing temptation as well as a reality check. When Seth returns home for an unexpected leave, with Jonas at his side, and post-traumatic stress following him from the battlefield, old relationships are tested, and new ones bloom.
This Nicholas and Seth’s first night alone together since Seth’s return.
“So everything you and I have is dipped in blood.”
Emphasis shifts to —
NICHOLAS and SETH in bed.
Asleep.
SETH, troubled by dreams.
NICHOLAS wakes, tries to rouse SETH.
SETH tumbles them both to the floor, pinning NICHOLAS beneath him.
NICHOLAS
If you wanted to get on top of me, all you had to do was ask.
SETH
God. Sorry.
NICHOLAS
Nightmare?
SETH
I wish.
NICHOLAS
Memories?
SETH
Yeah.
NICHOLAS
Of what?
SETH
I don’t need to talk about it.
NICHOLAS
What if I do?
SETH
Pup. Please.
NICHOLAS
You just wrestled me to the floor, without even thinking.
SETH
You don’t usually mind that.
NICHOLAS
I’ll admit it’s strangely comforting. Night one, home on leave, midnight tackle. Like clockwork. But I’m starting to think I should borrow your body armor.
SETH
Are you hurt?
NICHOLAS
I might have a bruise or two tomorrow, but that’s not the point. I’ll live.
SETH
I’m so sorry.
NICHOLAS
I don’t want you to be sorry. I want you to tell me how we deal with this.
SETH
I don’t know.
NICHOLAS
Should I see a counselor? Should you? God knows we can’t be seen going to one together.
SETH
I talk to the chaplain.
NICHOLAS
And what does he tell you?
SETH
That I should find somebody else I can talk to.
NICHOLAS
Well, that’s helpful.
SETH
In addition to him, I mean. He’s overwhelmed. Everybody comes to him. But he never turns anyone away.
NICHOLAS
So who does he talk to?
SETH
Someone he loves. That’s what he meant. Find someone who loves me, who won’t judge me, who I can share this with.
NICHOLAS
You’re sitting right next to him.
SETH
I know.
NICHOLAS
You seriously have no one over there you can talk to?
SETH
About how hard it is to be away from you?
About how hard it is not to see you?
Not to talk to you?
Not to touch you?
To only be able to steal glances at the one photograph I feel I can safely have of you?
NICHOLAS
So, no then.
SETH
I can talk about how hard it is sometimes to kill a man.
I can talk about how hard it is sometimes to see the things we see. The destruction. That we cause. That the other side causes.
How hard it is to see what little progress that gets made get knocked back down again and again.
That it feels like there’s no one you can trust but the guy next to you. Not women, not children. Not old people, not religious people. Not even people that smile at you.
I can talk about some of these things. But not the way I’d talk to you. Because with other people, I’m always holding this other part of me back, so it doesn’t slip out. It’s hard to open up and stay closed down at the same time.
NICHOLAS
I almost hate to ask, but does having Jonas around help?
SETH
A little. But, you know, he’s a kid.
NICHOLAS
Guys grow up pretty fast in the middle of all that.
SETH
Oh sure, but I meant as a gay man, too. He’s still a newbie – all wide eyes and hormones and nerve endings.
NICHOLAS
A little too much energy and enthusiasm.
SETH
Exactly. He’s not you.
NICHOLAS
I’ll try to take that in the spirit that it’s meant.
SETH
Kiss me.
NICHOLAS
You’re easy.
SETH
Kiss me again.
NICHOLAS
I’m liking the change in tactics.
SETH
Kiss me like you mean it.
NICHOLAS
Sir, yes, sir.
So, feeling a little safer?
SETH
Yeah.
NICHOLAS
Talk to me, Marine.
SETH
You don’t want to know the details.
NICHOLAS
How can you know that?
SETH
Because I don’t want to. And I’m stuck with them. I want to spare you that.
NICHOLAS
If it’s part of your life, part of who you are, I don’t want you to spare me. I love you, all of you.
SETH
Even the ugly parts?
NICHOLAS
You have no ugly parts.
SETH
You don’t know.
NICHOLAS
Then tell me.
SETH
I’m scared.
NICHOLAS
You are the bravest man I know. You helped me be brave. You’re the reason I knew I wasn’t alone in the world. You’re the reason I didn’t find my father’s rifle in the basement, walk off into the woods and blow my brains out. You already have to hide from them. You never have to hide, anything, from me. I’m yours.
SETH
And I’m yours.
NICHOLAS
Nothing you could say, nothing you could do —
SETH
Be careful what you promise.
NICHOLAS
Were you careful in your promises to me?
SETH
No.
NICHOLAS
I can be just as reckless as you can, Thumper.
SETH
God, I miss you.
NICHOLAS
You can miss me when you’re gone. Don’t miss me while you’re here.
SETH
You have no idea how amazing it is. How weird it is. Being here.
NICHOLAS
I feel guilty.
SETH
Don’t.
NICHOLAS
All the things I used to take for granted. All the things you don’t have.
SETH
I have everything I need right here.
NICHOLAS
No matter when I get up in the morning, your day’s already half over. I turn on a light. You don’t have electricity. I wash my face in the sink. You don’t have running water. Hell, I take a crap. You don’t have a functioning sewage system. I go to the gym, I work at the library, I eat my lunch outdoors. Never, walking through my day, do I hear a gunshot. Never do I worry that someone’s going to walk into the place I’m at and blow themselves up. I lock my door at night but really, I’m ridiculously, undeservedly, safe and comfortable.
SETH
Not undeservedly.
NICHOLAS
If everything we have is predicated on the necessity of standing on someone else’s neck, taking someone else’s country apart, killing on a mass scale, there’s something wrong with that.
SETH
But it’s always been that way. Always.
NICHOLAS
How long can we possibly keep that going?
SETH
As long as we need to.
NICHOLAS
So everything you and I have is dipped in blood.
SETH
The founding of any country, the establishment of any lasting stability, there’s always blood involved.
NICHOLAS
So you’re hoping, over there, for a new country, and stability. Out of all that.
SETH
The alternative isn’t acceptable.
NICHOLAS
So you can’t sleep through the night.
SETH
If it allows me to keep you safe, I’m willing to do it. I know those letters are from you. That’s all that matters. I think of you. And your normal day. And this house. And coming back to you. That’s what keeps me going. I’m fighting to keep you safe. And my Mom, and Dad. And everyone we know and love. I can’t expect anyone to defend you the same way I would.
NICHOLAS
They’re asking too much of you.
SETH
I can handle it.
NICHOLAS
I thought you wanted to change things.
SETH
I did. I do.
NICHOLAS
But it’s hard to fight more than one battle at a time.
SETH
Yeah.
NICHOLAS
All right, screw the big picture for a minute. Let’s focus on you for awhile. First, let me hold you.
SETH
OK.
NICHOLAS
Now, tell me something good, then tell me something bad. One thing, and one thing. Balance out the scales.
SETH
They’re never balanced.
NICHOLAS
Here, with me, they are. You haven’t even started. If the bad things start to pile up, we’ll deal. Together. So…
SETH
One good, one bad.
NICHOLAS
Nothing you could say…
SETH
I hope that’s true.
(photo: (on floor) Tim Schmidt as Nicholas; (leaning on bed) Nick James Parker as Seth in the 2008 production of “Leave” by AfterDark Theatre Company at University of Minnesota-Morris, and the Bryant-Lake Bowl in Minneapolis; photography by Alex Clark)
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