THE SET UP
Linc and Isobel, two college students in their late teens/early twenties, have known one another since high school. Linc is openly gay. Isobel knows this, but is still carrying a torch for him, though she’d be the first to deny it. Linc has recently broken up with his unfaithful first long-term boyfriend and has retreated into himself, thinking none of his friends or family understand. More recently, on this shopping trip the friends have taken to the local mall, Linc found comfort in the company of Spencer, another college student working his way through school walking around the mall in a dog suit. The dog is a life-size version of a popular cartoon from Linc’s childhood. While in the suit, Spencer is not allowed to talk, so Linc was able to unburden himself with a very sympathetic listener. Though Spencer is interested in Linc, he couldn’t reveal himself. Linc has rejoined his friend Isobel, excited about meeting someone for the first time in a long time.
“Is he gay?”
“That I don’t know. He didn’t try to hump my leg, though, if that helps.”
LINC and ISOBEL appear out of the dark in another pool of light.
LINC
I met a guy.
I think it was a guy. I hope it was a guy.
ISOBEL
There’s a question?
LINC
He’s a dog. Not the ugly kind. The four-legged, man’s best friend kind.
ISOBEL
There are ways to check for that on dogs, you know.
LINC
I mean, it was someone in a dog suit.
ISOBEL
It’s a guy.
LINC
The dog?
ISOBEL
He’s a friend of a friend of Diana’s. She told me.
LINC
Isn’t he great?
ISOBEL
A little on the quiet side, but as life-size dogs go…
LINC
Is he gay?
ISOBEL
That I don’t know. He didn’t try to hump my leg, though, if that helps.
LINC
Oh my God.
ISOBEL
What?
LINC
I just realized I don’t know his name.
ISOBEL
Oh.
LINC
I have no idea how to get in touch with him. What if he’s not there when I get back?
ISOBEL
It’s Spencer.
LINC
I’ll never —
ISOBEL
His name is Spencer.
LINC just looks at her.
ISOBEL (cont’d)
Friend of a friend of Diana’s, remember?
Pause. They look at one another.
LINC
Thanks.
ISOBEL
You’re welcome.
LINC
Do you know his last name?
ISOBEL
No.
LINC
Oh.
ISOBEL
But I’m sure we could find out. Friend of a friend and all.
LINC
Great.
ISOBEL
Rebound much?
LINC
And we were doing so well.
Near LINC, a pool of the strange light appears. ISOBEL steps into it.
ISOBEL
I had a life before he came along.
I know I did.
I just don’t remember what it looked like or felt like anymore.
My mind’s saying it wasn’t as good as what I have now.
But I couldn’t tell you what’s so great about being stuck here.
Sure, I know my heart works. I can feel it. Straining against the inside of my chest every time I’m near him, shrinking whenever I feel like I’ve lost him.
But what do I really have?
I mean, it’s shelter in a way. I don’t ever feel alone. Not really. But whenever he’s around, I can’t see anyone else. An alternative, a way out.
Why can’t I just let him go?
The strange light fades and ISOBEL returns to LINC.
ISOBEL (cont’d)
You don’t even know what he looks like.
LINC
That shouldn’t matter.
ISOBEL
Ha. You’re banking on the fact he shouldn’t always be walking around with a dog mask on. Admit it.
LINC
It was comforting to be with him.
ISOBEL
You mean someone who couldn’t talk so you could prattle on uninterrupted and unchallenged?
LINC
No.
ISOBEL
So you must mean someone who was impersonating a Saturday morning cartoon character from your childhood.
LINC
It wasn’t just the costume.
ISOBEL
So if it was a girl in the outfit, you’d love her, too?
LINC
If I said yes, you’d climb right in, wouldn’t you?
ISOBEL
You didn’t answer my question.
LINC
You didn’t answer mine.
ISOBEL
Your ego really knows no bounds, does it?
LINC
To answer your first question, no —
ISOBEL
Not surprisingly, also the answer to my second question.
LINC
— there is no magic combination of feminine wiles that will make me “normal” again. Sorry to disappoint you.
ISOBEL
Oh, don’t worry. I gave up pining for you a long time ago.
LINC
Ha.
ISOBEL
Think what you like. You always do.
LINC
Fine.
ISOBEL
Fine.
LINC and ISOBEL turn their backs on one another and walk off into separate pools of light.
LINC
She’s right. I don’t know who he is at all. Just like before. What if I’m kidding myself all over again? What if I’m completely wrong?
(photo: 2001 production by Allegheny College (Meadeville, PA); Jeffrey Simpson as Spencer, suiting up to be Skippy)
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