THE SET UP
Linc and Ralph are fraternal twin brothers in college out shopping together at the local mall. Linc, though openly gay, has always been more popular in school that his straight brother Ralph. Linc is handsome and gifted at athletics, while Ralph as always been a bit more socially awkward. Ralph spent most of high school in his more popular brother’s shadow, including the way they relate to their mutual friend Isobel. Though she knows Linc is gay, Isobel still carries a torch for him, though she’d be the first to deny it. Ralph, meanwhile, harbors a crush on Isobel, but she rarely notices him if Linc is in the room. Linc is recovering from a breakup with his first major boyfriend and is frustrated by his lack of ability to share his feelings with someone, even though those around him are trying to reach him. He feels they don’t, that they can’t, understand.
“Just because you actually had a sex life in high school and it didn’t work out, that doesn’t mean the rest of us have to be miserable, too.”
RALPH and LINC appear with a rolling rack full of shirts. They flip through the shirts, pulling out one or two to look at, during the following scene.
RALPH
And you wonder why you have no one to talk to?
LINC
I have no one to talk to you because none of you understand.
RALPH
We understand.
LINC
You’re not gay.
RALPH
This is true. Still, if I’d been dating someone for over a year, and that someone started pressuring me to have unprotected sex, I’d probably wonder, just like you, where this sudden taste for danger was coming from. And if, like you, I found out this certain someone had gotten into risky behavior while in the company of several members of the swim team skinny-dipping in the deep end, I might start to wonder about a lot of things. And I also might be a little less eager to try experimenting.
LINC
It’s called barebacking.
RALPH
I know. We boring heterosexuals don’t have a special name for it. We just call it “sex without a rubber.”
LINC
See, this is what I mean.
RALPH
You dump your sense of humor when you dumped this guy?
LINC
No. I just don’t think it’s very funny.
RALPH
You’re right. It’s not. It’s scary. But if anyone tells you you were right to break it off with him, then you just start going on about how much you miss him and what a great guy he was – you know, before the swim team.
LINC
OK, OK.
RALPH
We try to be understanding about how much you miss him, and you start going on about what a faithless jerk he was and how can we stand here defending him. We can’t win lately.
LINC
I just never banked on doing so much of this alone, that’s all.
RALPH
Welcome to my world.
LINC
What’s that supposed to mean?
RALPH
That was high school, this is college. Clean slate. There are tons more gay guys here than back home. Just pick one.
LINC
Oh, like it’s that easy.
RALPH
For you, yeah, it is.
LINC
Please don’t try to tell me it’s harder for straight people. I’ll be forced to laugh at you.
RALPH
For some straight people, for this straight person, yeah.
LINC
Ha. Ha. Ha.
RALPH shoves his latest shirt back on the rack.
RALPH
Just because you actually had a sex life in high school and it didn’t work out, that doesn’t mean the rest of us have to be miserable, too.
RALPH leaves.
LINC shouts after him.
LINC
Why not?
LINC stands, alone. Agitated, he rifles through the shirts on the rack a moment.
Then the light changes to something not quite real.
RALPH and LINC stomp down to opposite sides of the front of the stage, both grunting in frustration.
RALPH
Nine minutes!
LINC
I emerged from our mother’s womb before he did.
RALPH
Technically my older brother.
LINC
He’s been following me my whole life!
RALPH
Mom just wanted to get rid of him first.
LINC and RALPH (cont’d)
He has no idea how easy he has it!
LINC (cont’d)
Being straight.
RALPH
Being him.
LINC
Being inconspicuous.
RALPH
He was captain of the baseball team.
LINC
All he had to worry about was good grades.
RALPH
He was senior class president.
LINC
Nobody watching him.
RALPH
Guys – and girls – following him everywhere he went.
LINC
Time to himself, all the time in the world.
RALPH
He mattered.
LINC
No pressure to constantly be better.
RALPH
Everybody knew who he was.
LINC
Room to fail with no one watching, no one judging.
RALPH
Isobel following him around since high school.
LINC
Isobel not following him around all the time.
LINC and RALPH (cont’d)
Some days, I just wanna be him.
RALPH (cont’d)
Except for the gay thing.
LINC
Except for the straight thing.
The frustration ebbs a moment.
RALPH
I know he’s hurting.
LINC
I know he’s lonely.
RALPH
I wish I could help him.
LINC
I wish I could help him.
The frustration returns.
RALPH and LINC (cont’d)
He’s driving me nuts!
RALPH and LINC stalk off in opposite directions, perhaps crossing paths on stage, but not seeing each other, and disappear into the dark, taking the shirt rack with them.
(photo: 2004 production by Edinboro University of Pennsylvania (Edinboro, PA); l-r, John Mitchell as Linc, Seth A. Porterfield as Ralph)
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